If I believe this warning... I have committed a criminal act! WTF!!

I've been using Kleenex brand tissues for as long as I have been alive. Just yesterday, I noticed a warning on the bottom of my box of anti-viral Kleenex, which I have highlighted and underlined for your viewing pleasure:

If I take this warning seriously (which I don't), simply using a Kleenex tissue for any other purpose on another part of my anatomy (other than my face), would mean I am in violation of a Federal law! Which law? Can I be arrested for said act? Does it mean I've committed a Misdemeanor, or a Felony... or what? Is Kimberly-Clark freakin' crazy?

Haboob!! Need I say more?

One of the joys of living in the desert Southwest is the occasional summer sandstorm, lovingly referred to as a "Haboob", which sounds like something you would hear in the middle East, not Arizona. Our Monsoon season is gearing up and we had a Haboob on July 5 (see the photo below) that was the biggest seen in the last 40 years! This monstrosity was 2 miles high and over 50 miles wide and was moving fast.

(The Haboob just as it is reaching downtown Phoenix)

Check out this awesome time lapse video. The interaction between the Haboob and the clouds above remind me of a breaking ocean wave -- simply incredible to witness.

The Phoenix Haboob of July 5th, 2011 from Mike Olbinski on Vimeo.

(A Haboob "dust angel" at the bottom of the Mona Plummer pool at ASU -- compliments of Joel)

After work yesterday, I stepped outside and was confronted with another Haboob that was looming down upon me from the South. Thankfully this one was not anywhere near the size of the previous one, but nonetheless, it was an impressive sight to behold.

Looking South from behind building C4 (near Chandler Boulevard and the 101).

Tubing Down the Salt

Who knew that tubing down the Salt River could be so much freakin’ fun! I can proudly say I am no longer a “river virgin.”

It started with the bus ride, where we were thoroughly entertained by “Betty”, who we later referred to  as “Betty Boop”. While wearing a pair of those humongous sunglasses like the ones Mr. Ed wore in the ‘60s, she had us singing to songs ranging from the Talking Heads to that crazy Chicken Dance we all hear at weddings. And, to top it off, she did a fabulous “bump and grind” to the Chicken Dance, not once, but twice as an encore to our multiple requests. Her dance was captured on video, but alas, the video and the camera that captured it are now entombed somewhere on the bottom of the Salt River. Kyle, you have my sympathies (let us bow our heads for a moment of silence).

Once we tied all nine of our tubes together and secured the requisite cooler, we were on our way to tubing bliss upon our “barge”. The water was cool, the people were even cooler, and adventure lay ahead. How much adventure, I had no idea!

We hit a few small rapids, but one of them almost claimed me as a casualty. I can see why they discourage against tying tubes together – they’re almost impossible to steer once they reach the “barge” status, like ours. After ramming into an exposed three root system along the bank, which I swore took part of my back as a prize, we were heading into an even bigger one when I bailed. I think my barge-mates thought I had taken a hit, but I was able to reassure them that all was well. I rode the rapids as I was taught when rafting the American River and just enjoyed the ride. While riding the rapids, I was able to rescue one of my barge-mates towels that had broken free in the melee, which was a prized gift from her Masters coaching days at UC Davis. Definitely, an Epic Win in the end! I have a bruise on my back to show where the tree tried to claim me, but I prevailed and showed the Salt River who’s boss.

The 3 ½ hour trip had its gentler moments as well. In several places we were able to get out of our tubes and swim around in the cool water and played some Frisbee and tossed around some sports balls, not to mention lots of marshmallows. I quickly learned that tubing involves lots of marshmallow throwing. They don’t hurt when you’re hit, but can make a loud noise when they make contact with your head if they’re thrown hard enough.

Another highlight was the diving ledge. Several of my barge-mates, guy and gal alike, took the challenge to jump or dive from the lofty perch above the river. Taylor went first and delivered a spectacular swan dive. Here’s a picture I snagged from the video I shot to prove it. Leah, Emily, and Kyle followed suit, each making their own mark on the river.

Taylor's "Perfect 10" Swan Dive

Leah, making the climb up the cliff. Taylor, Emily, and Kyle are just below the next climber.

Before we knew it, our river journey was over and it was time to exit the Salt and ride the bus back to the parking lot. I took a separate bus from my barge-mates and sat next to an interesting couple. The poor husband, who only gets drunk once every 10 years, chose today to do just that, and ended up losing (albeit only temporarily) a waterproof box that had his car keys, wallet, etc. The box was found hidden inside someone else’s cooler, but after lots of frantic searching, he realized that he managed to lose his wedding ring that was attached to a caribiner. Yes, he lost the caribiner and subsequently, the ring. His wife informed the rest of us that the last time they tubed down the Salt 20 years ago, he lost his wedding ring that time as well. To sum it up, she lovingly told him, “Honey. I’m not mad that you lost our wedding ring, I just can’t believe how retarded you are when you drink.” A truly hilarious end to a fabulous day.

Here are a few pictures commemorating our excursion.

Leah, Emily (peace out!), and Kyle

Taylor and Lexi (sorry Lexi, I didn't get your good side)

Chandra, with Leah to her left, and Kyle in the background.